lol...of course you do, it's ok, I know you miss me.

It sucks when you're in relocation limbo. You don't have all of your stuff, you have to depend on other people for everything, and since you're in a new location, you don't really know what you can do. Add to it that you're one street away from gangland, and that would make for a miserable experience. However, just try to get through it, and it will be ok. (Now you can finally go out! Yay for your cousin!!) When you do get settled in Orlando, you'll be like damn. I wish I was still in New Jersey so I could visit Nikki. lmao...probably not, but things will get better!

Ok, they aren't all evil

Finally, relief. After last weeks many trips to the dentist, my mouth was ready to leave me. I was ready to let it. I mean, I was already pissed that he didn't give me real pain killers. German dentists sometimes. Yes, that fucking hurts! You think I flinch to make your life difficult? Geeze. I asked him for a prescription for pain killers. He says, of course I'll prescribe something. And he did: ibuprofen 400. I told my cousin and she says, thats what you take when you have a hangnail. No shit. 400s? I'm sure I can get a middle school drug dealer to give me better than that. Oh well. Thank God an Angel came along and gave me the gift of, well, good stuff. Right, so there was pain over the weekend, and yesterday I had to leave work it was bothering me so badly. I couldn't go back to my dentist, because, naturally, he's on vacation. I had to go somewhere else today. I knew that mine had done something wrong, but I don't want to get into all of that. I went to a different guy, he had to open up where the tooth had been. That means open the healing shit going on in there back up, and clean it out to the bone. Not painless even with the injections. He did, gave me some antibiotics in there, and medicine. He was really nice, and wrote a letter for me to give to my regular dentist. (he really isn't but that's another story) I hope it says he's an idiot and he had me going through unnecessary pain. Probably doesn't. But it would be nice if it did. Then he told me to call if I felt so much as a synapse and they'd take care of it. He's my hero. The first few hours were miserable, but now...I feel pretty good for the first time in a week. Hopefully I'll be eating real food again soon. I can't wait until my dentist gets back. I'll be letting him know I'm switching oral care providers.

Evil...it's just around the corner!! At your Dentist!

(ok...this was an email that I wrote, but since I wanted to blog too, it just worked.)


I'm at home again...
I don't know where to start...we all know ding dong dentist did not give me any meds. Well yesterday I woke up w/ a fever and it went on like that for a few hours, and then the puking started. So today I storm into the place and tell him what happened to me and ask, (after spitting his finger out of my mouth cuz he didn't seem to be listening) "is that normal?" to which he dicked around a few seconds too long to be convincing to anyone, then said yes...bla bla bla infection...bla bla bla...infection...bla bla bla yes, is very possible. (then under his breath "perhaps") I wanted to bite his finger off the whole time. I kept thinking, I wonder how many patients eventually do bite their dentist for whatever reason. I mean, my jaw is still sore, but I'm pretty sure i could have cut the skin if I needed to. So...normal huh? I wish you would have told me this so I didn't think I was dying. Bastard.

Then...He gave me a shot. I told him to give me two, but he doesn't like to listen. So he starts to drill around back there doing god knows what (oh he told me afterwards...i'll save it, keep reading) and i was like ok...don't feel anything...good, I'm off to my little island where dentists are stoned, and then I started thinking about (hey this sounds a lot like a blog lol) how dentists got started. I mean, who the fuck was poking around in people's mouths with sharp instruments going hmm...maybe if I touch it with this (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAJHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH). Yeah...that's when he hit the still not numb nerve. Bastard.

Now, I maybe have taken too many drugs the last few days, but I think I remember that I told him 2 fucking shots. He's like oh...you still feel pain? Uh, no. I just screamed to ruin your business. So finally he gave me another shot. Then left the room with his assistant, Anna...for 30 minutes. This is where I start to wonder, what the fuck do they do? Where do they go? Is there a little room around the corner where they're collecting money? Heh heh heh...I told you she couldn't take it with just one shot. Ha ha ha, you're right Ah-nah, here's your 50. Or do they go torture some other patient. That I find hard to believe cuz it was only me, him and four dental assistants the whole time, until I left. So I'm thinking they just go have coffee in the side room until they think it's working. Anyway, they come back 30 minutes later, and I'm struggling to stay awake cuz I'm BORED, but at least my mouth doesn't hurt...and he goes to straight to work with a rude, you no feel nothing now? Uh..no ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
(scary drill)

I do my second is-the-shit-working-yet test and start to think that watching the Sopranos on DVD has really fucked with my head, because I'd love for his guy to be wacked. In a dentist chair w/o local anesthesia or however you fuckin spell it. It was working because I had time to play out that whole fantasy, and then he started pushing my jaw down where he'd just PULLED out a tooth 2 days ago. I started pretending I was Gollem from Lord of the Rings in the last one where he bites off Frodo's finger to get the ring. oh...nothing would have made me happier. Then I zone out again to some island or something and hear a beep...beep beep. I'm thinking fuckin professional courtesty turn your damn cell off...then I open my eyes and they're using some machine I've NEVER seen before: with shiny plastic cellophane or some shit on it. At that point I gave up and tried to fall asleep.

Finally he was done, and I guess I'm a queen cuz I have a crown (i know, bad, it's the drugs) in my mouth etc...actually...I had a dream that I was at prom and talked everyone into abandoning the queen tradition because it just kept women down where men wanted them (Yay conflict and feminist theory) and people were cracking tiaras left and right...anyway so he's like yeah, come back tomorrow, we'll pull out some more. Me, all drug mouthed, "thiched tuns?" Oh, which ones? You know little shop of horrors...where Steve Martin plays the evil dentist (Orin)? No? There's a song he sings, and that kept running through my head after he said: Well...you have extra wisdom teeth, 3 of them. We'll get those. I almost fainted. (in case you don't knowthe song...it'll be at the bottom of this email...)

Then he goes BYE BYE and dashes off to collect his bet money. There was a kid in the waiting room when I was leaving. He was holding his elephant and looking at me like i'm gonna give him a clue about how it went...I wanted to show him my bloody mouth, but I just kinda half smiled at him and walked out.
Guess what kids...I have to be back there again tomorrow. I'm fucking stoked. Someone shoot me...or intro me to a guy who knocks you out to fill a cavity....pwease?

DENTIST
ORIN: When I was younger, just a bad little kid My mama noticed funny things I did Like shooting puppies with a B.B. gun I'd poison guppies and when I was done I'd find a pussycat and bash in its head That's when my mama said

CRYSTAL, RONETTE, CHIFFON: What did she say?

ORIN: She said, "My boy, I think someday You'll find a way to make your natural tendencies pay...Y ou'll be a dentist You have a talent for causing things pain Son, be a dentist People will pay you to be inhumane Your temperament's wrong for the priesthood And teaching would suit you still less, be a dentist You'll be a success (mind you...this is the chorus through out the whole song...)


CRYSTAL, RONETTE, CHIFFON: Here he is, folks the leader of the plaque! Watch him suck up that gas! Oh, my god! He's a dentist and he'll never ever be any good. Who wants their teeth done by the Marquis de Sade? Oh that hurts! I'm not numb!

ORIN: Oh, shut up. Open wide. here I come!I am your dentist

CRYSTAL, RONETTE, CHIFFON: Goodness gracious!

ORIN: And I enjoy the career that I picked I am your dentist

CRYSTAL, RONETTE, CHIFFON: Fitting braces

ORIN: And I get off on the pain I inflict. When I start extracting those molars You girls will be screaming like holy rollers

CRYSTAL, RONETTE, CHIFFON: Dentist!

ORIN: And though it may cause my patients distress, Somewhere in heaven above me, I know that my mama's proud of me 'Cause I'm a dentist- and a success....Say ah! Now spit.

Karma

(for Diana)

So you want to hurt me to make yourself look good
You’ve destroyed me to others to build yourself up
Don’t mistake my silence for weakness
I’ve decided to take the higher road
I don’t need to sink to your level to know it’s not true
Your dirty tactics will come back to haunt you
I’ve held my tongue because I know
You get what you give, karma doesn’t forget
You’ll hurt one day, like you’ve hurt me
And as you’re wondering how this could have happened
You’ll see my face, happy and smiling in my life
As you suffer and toil through yours

I don’t have to do anything to make this right
I don’t have to justify my silence to anyone
I don’t need to go to war with you to win justice
Karma is my weapon and it’s going to come for you.

I had so many things I wanted to say to you
I’m so glad I never got a chance to
I would have felt like such a fool if I’d told you
How I really felt, and that I wished the best for you
Now I’ve seen a different face, true or not, it’s yours
And I know that I don’t need to say anything
I’ll write down the words I never got out
I’ll pour my heart out to this piece of paper
I’ll tell you all the things you never knew
All the feelings that I never shared
All the pain and frustration you never felt
I’ll pour my heart out to this piece of paper
And address my heart to you.

I don’t have to do anything to make this right
I don’t have to justify my silence to anyone
I don’t need to go to war with you to win justice
Karma is my weapon and it’s coming for you.

My heart is on paper, and it’s addressed to you
But you’ll never get it, and you never were going to
It’s addressed to you but Karma will take up my cause
I’m sending it to you through fire and smoke
I light the match and my hearts words burst into flames
I burn it all because you don’t deserve it
I tried to tell you and you never heard, you did me wrong
But I won’t retaliate, the smoke will reach Karma
My emotions will be understood and my pleas will be heard
And Karma will take up my cause and battle for me
I will go on living my life knowing that I did it right
I’ll know that I have transcended
I’ll know that come rain or shine I will be avenged
Karma will take up my cause and you will feel
What it was I felt when you murdered my character
And I will smile knowing that we are all equal in the end
And no one’s cries ever go unheard or unanswered
Karma will come get you; I hope you know who sent it.


I don’t have to do anything to make this right
I don’t have to justify my silence to anyone
I don’t need to go to war with you to win justice
Karma is my weapon and it has come for you

I was sitting in my office doing things, when I started thinking, ok ok ok, I wasn't doing anything. I was looking at pictures of gow-geous men, then I stopped and started to write, but ended up writing about something different from what I had orginally intended. Happens a lot...like just now. Anyway, so I was thinking: I'm glad I've gotten to know and be around 3 very different women.

Alex aka Photolens:

I've known Alex for a long, long time. There is a lot I could write about her. I love the way that she sees the world. It is so refreshing for someone not to be cynical or jaded about anything. I've aka-ed her Photolens, because she sees the world just as it appears in a picture. She can see a picture of a rose and talk about how beautiful and complicated the flower itself is, but also notice the shadows and appreciate them. She talks like she is not trying to explode in a burst of words, so much to say, no time to say them. Maybe that's why she lets her pictures speak for her sometimes. Everything is beautiful and worth being remembered (photographed) and she always sees the best in everyone, no matter what the circumstances. She's committed to give everyone the benefit of the doubt at least once. Do not mistake this with being pushed over. She knows when to stand up for herself. Even if I think she worries too much about what other people will think, I'm glad that she is able to stand up for herself. Some people can't or won't do it. She turns everything into a picture that she will remember, and despite many negatives always has something positive to add. In her a see a picture that is constantly being developed and everytime I peek I see something new. I'm glad I've had the chance to know her. Keep writing with your camera. Keep showing us that everything is beautiful.


Dominique:

I've known of Dominique since my senior year of high school, but I never knew her until a couple months ago I guess. She was always friendly to me here (at work), which I thought was interesting, because I'm not one to just offer you my friendly side. Since I've gotten to know her better, I see someone who is probably often mistaken for a bitch because she knows what she wants, and won't be pushed around. To me she seemed like someone who wanted and needed to be understood. I like that she says what she has to say, and means what she says. I like that even though I may not be so big on touching that she is always ready to hug someone who looks like they could use one. She has this mothering thing about her that makes you feel like things will be ok, even if you don't have a problem. In her I see someone who is getting to know herself and unashamed to be doing so. I think that's great, if you don't know yourself, no one else will ever be able to. I see a realist and an idealist at the same time, and someone trying to figure out the right balance between the two. Don't worry, you'll find it.


Katrina:

Katrina I haven't know very long at all, but since I have, I've always felt that there is something about her. I don't know what it is. I think she's like those Russian nesting dolls, I keep finding out more and more about her, and it makes me more interested. She's someone who you will learn the most about by watching. Sometimes I feel like she has a protective wall up, but I don't hold that against her. We all have our walls, and our levels of comfort at which we lower them. The more I find out about her, the more I like her, and that makes me want to find out more. I've always thought she has a lot to say, but censors herself. I can relate because I do the same thing. I hope we can (all of us) get to a point where she feels comfortable enough lower her walls more often. I've seen over you're barriers, and I know your secret. She's hiding a fun, sensitive, caring, giving, hilarious, thoughtful, insightful etc :) woman back there. Someone who has a lot to offer if she lets herself. Don't be afraid, I'll like you anyway. Did I mention that she's hilarious? Let it out!!



I'm glad I've gotten to know these three particular women because I admire and respect them. They all inspire me to be a better person in very different ways. They are all beautiful, intelligent, amazing people. Getting to know them is like unwrapping a beautifully crafted box only to find something more amazing inside. Everyone knows people like them, but I'm glad they aren't just people to me, I can call them friends.

More Official Business

I agree. It's no fun if no one else is going to write. Even sporadically is good...but we need something, I know I'm sick of reading me on here. lol. More people more! no matter how small it is...I want to hear your voices! At least once a week? Come on! lol